A line from the sermon yesterday has me thinking today:

"Don't let the events in your life define your purpose. Instead, let your God-given purpose define you and how you deal with the events that come your way."

2012 has had a host of terrible events that have impacted all of us...

Political animus poisoning TV, the Internet, blogs, and on and on
Financial crises striking at the core of our security as individuals and a country
Violent weather taking people's homes and lives
Countries pushing each other toward war
Insanity acted out in bombings and shootings
And on and on it goes.

With each new news report, our hearts are pierced. We wonder what has happened to this world, to our own country, to our friends and family that has left us all so...weary. Even hopeless. I have found myself lost in a sense of despair that mankind is hopelessly wicked, and that evil is running rampant as never before...

And yet.

And yet...

God. 

God is. God lives and breathes. God speaks and acts. And He is there, in every pain-filled event, speaking His truth, whispering his peace to our souls. And if I will but listen, my God-given purpose--which is the same as everyone's: to reflect Him in a wounded and weary world--grows stronger. Undergirds me. Brings me the peace that passes understanding so that rather than giving in to the sorrow and anger, I can lift my head and say with absolute conviction...

GOD IS.

He is peace and hope. He is restoration. He is the beginning and the end. He is...

Everything.

And while I cannot change the world, or bring mankind back to sanity, He can. All I need to do is follow Him, step-by-step, and leave the results to the Him. And so, each day, as I hear of new pain or anger or fears, I take them to Him. And I hold fast to the truth that He is at work in every event, every circumstance. And while I may not understand it all, I can rest in His promises and goodness.

And that is the best peace of all. 

Peaceful Words, part deux

As I said in my last post, I decided to spend some time searching Scripture to find verses about God's peace. As I did so, I was reminded, yet again, how much our Father loves us, because:

No storm we face is mightier than the God who sustains us.
"The voice of the LORD echoes above the sea. The God of glory thunders The Lord thunders over the mighty sea. the voice of the LORD is powerful. The voice of the LORD is majestic....The LORD rules over the floodwaters...The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace." Psalm 29: 3-4, 10-11

Our holy Father tells us exactly what we need to do to know His peace.
"All who listen to [God's wisdom] will live in peace, untroubled by fear or alarm." Proverbs 1:33

God is there, now and always, no matter what we face.
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock." Isaiah 26: 3, 4

When the world is captured in chaos, God is there, with us, bringing us peace.
"Justice will rule in the wilderness and righteousness in the fertile field. And this righteousness will bring peace. Yes, it will bring quietness and confidence forever. My people will live in safety, quietly at home, they will be at rest. Even if the forest should be destroyed and the city torn down, the LORD will greatly bless His people." Isaiah 32: 16-20.

No matter how bad things get, we are not alone. Our all-powerful God is with us.
"In the last days, the mountain of the LORD's house will be the hightest of all--the most important place on earth....There He will teach us His ways and we will walk in His paths....Everyone will live in peace...and there will be nothing to fear. The LORD of Heaven's armies has made this promise! Though the nations around us follow their idols, we will follow the LORD our God forever and ever."
Micah 4: 1, 4-5

And that's just a few selections from the Old Testament. Wait until you read the equally beautiful words from the New Testament!

The Peril of Peace

I was called a dear friend the other day, just to catch up, and in the course of our conversation I told her about my Peace Experiment and my blogs. She listened, gave me some great feedback, and then said something that I knew but hadn't thought about:

Dear Friend: "There's just one problem, though." 

Unthinking Me: "Oh? What's that?"

Dear Friend, beginning to chuckle: "When you pray for something like understanding peace, you paint a target on your back." Chuckles become full-blown, rueful laughter.

Unthinking Me: ....."Oh man....I'm an idiot."

We both laugh. And cackle. And scenarios of how I'll learn peace fly. Causing more laughter.

Though it may sound as though we were being irreverent, we really weren't. Ours was the shared laughter of people who've been down these paths before, of those who have suffered, endured by God's grace, and come to the realization that very little about life this side of eternity is without cost. 

A day later, I was on Skype with a potential agenting client, who is also becoming a friend. A young man who has lived an absolutely astounding life so far. And whom God is using in amazing ways to bless others. We got on the topic of peace, and his reaction when I told him what I was doing?

"Oh man. You're in for it now."

Cue almost identical conversation--and shared laughter--as with my friend the day before. Laughter that  is still there for me, making me smile even as I'm typing. Because they're right. 

Real peace, soul-deep peace...peace that carries you through storms and uncertainty...peace that wrestles fears to the ground...peace based in a sure knowledge of the One who gives it...the "yea-though-He-slay-me-I-will-follow-Him" kind of peace...

Comes at a cost.

No, it's not that God punishes us when we ask for something like this. It's simply that you cannot know or understand such peace without it--and you--being tested. And tested. And tried. And then tested again. 

Yeah. 

I'm an idiot. 

But you know what? That's okay. Because I really want to know. I want to know what it is to be at peace, to rest in the Father, no matter what comes my way. Yes, even as I type that I'm cringing. But fear doesn't change truth. I want to know God's peace. Even if it costs me. 

And isn't that what surrendering ourselves to Him is all about? We let go of our illusion of control (because, trust me, we are NEVER really in control), of our fears and uncertainties, stretch out our warms, and fall into the river of His perfect will. We ride the rapids with Him at our side. Yes, even  rapids like this:

And we'll do it in safety. With a Holy God telling us what to do, how to survive. And one day, one glorious day, we realize we're no long afraid. In fact, riding the rapids has become more adventure than peril. And living in His peace is more nature than struggle. 

I long for that day. 

No matter the cost to get there.

A Song of Peace

Grace, grace, God's grace 

Grace that is greater than all our sin. 

Remember that hymn? I remember singing it when I was young and discovering how much fun it was to sing and harmonize. The tune has stuck with me from those early years. (If you want to see all the lyrics, you can check it out here.)

There is such truth and power in music. My family has always been musical, so my whole life has been impacted and blessed by music. It's brought me joy and laughter, and a soul-deep awareness of power of concise, story-based lyrics. When I'm weary, music lifts me. When I'm happy, music energizes me. When I'm troubled, music soothes me. And when I'm afraid...

Music can bring me peace. In fact, as I've struggled to embrace peace--and as circumstances seem to join together in a concerted effort to keep me and peace apart--I've found myself reworking the lyrics of that old hymn just a bit...

Powerful peace of our loving Lord, 

Peace that the Master's love imparts!

Poured out so freely from heaven's door,

Overflowing our trembling hearts.




Peace, peace, God's peace...

Peace that stills my cries and tears.

Peace, peace, God's peace.

Peace that is greater than all my fears.


As you ponder God's peace in the midst of whatever fears you face, may He breathe a song deep into your heart.

I'm sitting here, listening to the chimes dance with the wind, hearing the deep call of our nesting morning dove couple, watching a gentle rainfall so slow and languid it's got to be Southern at its core...

Amazed by God's creation.

I've never seen rain like this. big drops that fall with haphazard glee, going in all directions at once, so gentle I almost didn't realize it was raining. The sky in front of me is bright blue, with white fluffy clouds dotted here and there. The rain isn't coming from that sky. So I turn, and there behind me, is a sky cloaked in black, dense clouds. And now I feel the wind, pushing at my face even as it tosses those big, fat, gentle raindrops around.

I'm caught in the in-between of the storm...and it's beautiful.

Life has been like this lately. Half blue sky, half dark clouds. All wonderment. God is at work, moving and working and refining. It's not easy. It's even painful and troubling at times. So why do I find myself laughing? I guess because it's all so...

God.

Unpredictable. Untamed. And yet always, always, magnificent. Reliable. Trustworthy.

This weather I'm seeing...this wonder I'm feeling...this understanding I'm gaining...it's a gift. From a Father who loves to surprise and delight.

What a good God He is.

Peace, all.

Karen

The Joy of Daily Bread

A couple I know and love has asked me to fast and pray, seeking God's help for them to find jobs. As with so many today, both are now unemployed. Don and I faced something similar at the beginning of 2011--first I lost my job, then he lost his. By God's grace, Don found another job and I've been able to build my business as an editor, writer, speaker, and literary agent. We're not making anywhere near what we were making a year ago, but we're doing okay. Again, by God's grace. Because I'll tell you, sometimes I have no clue how we're going to make it. But now, a little over a year later, I'm starting to see that it's not about knowing, but trusting. In God and His provision. Don and I are learning to do our part, to do what we can, to work hard, but we're also learning not to give in to fear when things seem bad. As the prayer of prayers says, we trust him to "give us THIS DAY our DAILY bread." We don't look for a storehouse of bread. We don't ask for enough to stockpile. Because when we had more than we needed, guess what we trusted in? Yup, the stockpile. Now? 


Now we trust the Giver of all things. And when we receive the daily bread, we know it's enough. and each time we learn that lesson anew, I'm reminded that no matter what circumstances tell us, there is an eternal truth at work here: God is sufficient. And that makes the daily bread sweet, indeed.


So that's what I'm praying for my friends, that God's sufficiency will make itself known in their hearts and minds. That He will cloak them with His peace and confidence, and that He will meet them where they're at. That He'll meet their needs. I'm praying God's best for them, and I'm praying for sweet, sufficient daily bread. 


And while I'm at it, I'll pray that for you, too .


Peace, friends. 


Karen

Letting Go...

We had to say good-bye to our Siberian husky, Dasha, yesterday. A tumor took up residence in her brain, and the cost to her was too high. She was too noble a creature, too loving of life, to have her days stolen the way they were. 

So we made the hard choice. Held her as the vet performed the horrid act that would set her free. It was the right and best thing to do for her. But how deep the void she has left!

I've struggled with expressing the tumble of emotions roiling through me. This "wordsmith" couldn't find a single syllable to embody the mix of loss and peace, sorrow and relief--relief not for me, but for my sweet Dasha. And then this morning, my husband shows me this note he wrote after we came home from the vet. It's simply beautiful. 

So this is for all who have suffered loss, who have had to make hard decisions and hated the fact that it was necessary. Who know they've done what is right, though that doesn't take away the pain. 

And it's for Dasha, who brought us such joy.

Her life lasted less than 4 years, but oh! How she lived every moment of that time! 

May I face each day with such jubilance. 

From Don...

I have been standing at the edge of a cliff for a very long time. It's a beautiful and desolate place. The view is spectacular. The hues and colors take my breath away. It's painfully beautiful and dangerous standing here looking out over the rim, the balls of my feet on the very edge of forever.

Would the colors be as vibrant, or the air as sweet, if there were a railing in front of me and a pass in my pocket? 

I know my future. I has a purpose blessed by the Creator. Yet I grow tired. I long for a hand on my shoulder that gently turns me and lets me know with certainty that I can rest.

I long for a time I have no memory of.  I long for a time when I was innocent and could have played as a young child.

What is it like to not feel old?  Is it possible to go back and play like a kitten with a ball of string?  Or to fall asleep exhausted from simply being me? The thought makes me weep. I do not know if I weep with anticipation or mourning. But to weep is to be alive.

And to be alive is to feel and to think.

And to think is to decide.

And so...I decide. I choose today with all it brings and tomorrow with all its promise...

Sleep well.

And farewell, Dasha. We love you.

When Fear Knocks, Who Answers?

I hate to admit this, but I am, at the core, a fearful soul. I've struggled with it for as long as I can remember. I think part of it is having such a great imagination. I can "what if??" 'til the cows (and horses and piglets) come home. Have there been good reasons to fear? Sure. At least, what the world would call good. Stress with finances, relationships, health, and on and on. The list is endless.

I've always wished I were one of those courageous souls who never feels fear. Who trusts God so implicitly that fear just isn't part of the equation. Why, I've whined more times than I can count, can't I make the fear just go away??

Lately, it's the future that's become the drooling monster under my bed. It whispers to me when I first wake up. Low, snarling reminders that I no longer have a steady paycheck from an employer, that all it would take is one crisis to put us in the poorhouse, that disaster is perched on the edge of every day and we'll end up homeless, living in our car (because we'll have to sell the van) and there's NOTHINGYOUCANDOABOUT IT!

Thing is, there's an element of truth in all that. Always seems to be just enough truth in the enemy's lies to pierce the heart. After all, one crisis would put us in a serious bind. And it's true, I can't control what happens. So, for a moment, fear's tentacles snake around my heart and lungs, squeezing, squeezing, and I can't quite breathe...

Today has been a series of such moments. Though I know better, though I know God is in control of today and tomorrow, though the Bible's admonition to "Fear not!" rings in my heart, I still find myself giving in. If just for a moment.

But here's the cool thing: God understands. He knows my propensity for giving in, and He doesn't condemn me or criticize me. Instead, it's as though He's reaching out, taking me in His eternal Daddy arms, and soothing my worries. For example:

Today, as I was finishing up for the day, fear knocked on the door of my heart. Pounded, really. I started to look out the peephole, but TweetDeck chirruped, drawing my attention. I glanced down and saw this (courtesy of @revtrev):

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there. ~Unknown

I stopped. Read it again. And smiled. No need to answer the door. The knocking had stopped.

Yesterday, as I got into the car, fear tap, tap, tapped. I started to reach for the doorknob when the worship song on the radio caught my ear: "Be still and know that I am God." The song washed over me, and peace settled in. No need to answer the door. No one was there.

As I pondered these things, and numerous others that have happened over the past months, I realized something. Fear isn't going away. But that's okay. Because neither is God. And He trumps fear, every time. His provision, His power, His presence in my life are what control fear. HE controls it. I don't have to. All I have to do is keep my eyes on Him. Rest in the truth of who He is.

So let Fear knock. Let it pound and rattle and kick the door. I'm not answering. Instead, I'll let God do the honors. And lo...

No one will be there.

Peace, all.

Karen

So there I was, sitting in Nashville, when it came to me: My word for 2011. The word I was to focus on and learn about. The word God breathed into my heart and mind.

Prepare.

I didn't have a clue what it was about, but that was okay. I knew the meaning would become clear as the year unfolded. What I didn't realize what that clarity would begin the next day.

I'd come to Nashville for meetings at the publishing house where I worked. Prepare echoed in my mind as soon as I woke up on Friday. It resonated through me as I drove to the office. It undergirded me when I walked into my boss's office, saw her face--and knew. The economic downturn was about to hit close to home. In fact, home was the Bull's-eye. I was laid off. In 30 years in publishing, I've never lost a job. I've changed jobs, even left publishing houses to go freelance, but never lost a job. As I absorbed this new reality, I waited for the anger, the panic to hit. It never did. Instead, one word echoed through me:

Prepare.

As I've gone through the following weeks, that word is always there. As is an amazing sense of peace. And I've realized something. Being prepared isn't just about me doing what I need to do. It's about God working within me. He was preparing me without my even knowing it. He breathed His word--and His peace--deep inside me. I don't know what's going to happen. Don't know what the future holds. But I know God is here, walking beside me. I feel His hand on my shoulder. In those moments when fear seeks to break through, I am enveloped in His arms. I feel His breath on my face as He whispers "Peace, be still."And that is enough.

He is enough.

He confirmed that in the most amazing way. Through a man I'd never met before. I'll tell you all about that, too.

Until then, let me leave you with this thought: Nothing that happens to us is a surprise to God. You will never hear Him say, "Oh, wow. Didn't see that coming." I can tell you, from the midst of a detour I wouldn't have chosen, that you don't need to be afraid. The God who created the world is present, and He is in control. The peace that has settled over me these last few weeks is not the norm for me. But it is the norm for God.

Peace.

Karen

Roadmap to Gratitude

Okay, so here's what I picked up from Colossians 3:15-17:

God's Roadmap to Gratitude

One: Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart. Focus on Him and all He's given for you. Focus on His laws and words. And let Him be in charge of your wants, your desires, your heart. Let what matters to Him matter to you.

Two: Be Thankful. Each day, every day. For little things as well as big.

Three: Let the Word of Christ dwell in you. Spend time in His word, letting the truths contained there soak deep into the fabric of who you are. There's life and healing and wonder in those words.

Four: Teach and Admonish One Another with Wisdom. In other words, don't let each other get away with being self-focused, spoiled, and ungrateful. And don't expect them to let you get away with it, either. We're to hold each other accountable. Let's start doing that, but only in wisdom and love--and with gratitude in our hearts to the One who created us and loves us, often in spite of ourselves.

Five: Whatever you do, always be thankful to God. Remember that video? How can we not be thankful, every day, for all we've been given? So life may not be exactly what we'd like it to be. We're still blessed beyond belief. How much more peaceful and kind would our world be if we lived with that awareness and appreciation every day? I'm guessing a lot.

And I'm going to give it a try today. How 'bout you?

Peace to you.

Karen

What's In a Blog?

Blogging is fun, huh? Fun to do, fun to read. I like to visit other blogs, see what folks are thinking and saying, and as I've been doing so, I've wondered what brings visitors back? What keeps people interested and reading?

While I was at Mount Hermon Christian Writers' conference a few months ago, one of the speakers in the track I help lead (the Career Track for published authors) was John Olson. He was talking about something that hit me, square between the eyes. Was it blogging? No, but it made so much sense for the blogging I do that I wanted to jump up and cheer.

So here's the scoop: John was talking about the need to be focused on your passions. On the things God has planted within you, made a part of the fabric of who you are. As he talked, I thought about the blogs I visit and why I go back to some and not to others, and I realized it's all about that. Shared passion. So I sat down a little later and made up a list of what my true passions are:

1. The faith journey. Talking and hearing what God's doing in lives today.
2. Animals. Big time. Domestic, wild, those that run, crawl, slither, swim...if it's part of the animal kingdom, I'm drawn to it.
3. Writing and reading, especially fiction. Like the title of my blog says, the power of words, the magic of story.
4. Laughter. If there's one thing my family instilled in me, it's a sense of humor. The ability to see the funny in life and in myself and delight in it.
5. Nature. I love the beauty that surrounds us. The clear evidence of God's creative genius and of his desire to delight us.

So here's what I've decided. I'm going to alternate my blog entries so that they focus on these different passions. Why am I telling you? Because I want to know what you think! Let me know if the blog feels too fractured, or if you like one segment but don't care so much for another. Because this blog is about another of my passions: relationship. With you.

So please let me know what you think.

And to start us off, here's a wonderful little YouTube video I discovered, showing polar bears playing--yes, playing--with some huskies. Now, you all know how much I love Siberian huskies, so when I first saw the listing I thought, "Oh great. Some idiot let his dogs get chomped." But what I saw was absolutely delightful. Admittedly, one bear seems a little too affectionate with the cinnamon husky at the end, but I know this about huskies: if they don't want to play with you, they're gone. These guys are fast and strong and can slip out of the most powerful grip. So it seems the dogs are enjoying the encounter as much as the bears.

Man, I would love to be there and actually see something like this. Reminds me of the Scripture about the lion lying down with the lamb...someday, folks, we will get to see what it's like.

I can't wait.

His peace to you today.

Karen

On the Road Again

I know, I know, I haven't filled you in on the rest of Mount Hermon yet, but I'm on to the next trip already. Had the joy of speaking at a women's retreat--a group of delightful gals came down from the Roseburg, Oregon area so I could be their speaker...how cool!--Friday and Saturday, then it was home, finish packing, jump into bed at almost midnight, and up again at 4 a.m. this morning. My flight left Medford at 6 am! Eek! Oh well, good thing I can sleep on planes.
I almost always make sure I have an aisle seat when I fly. If I have an asthma attack, I really don't care to climb over people to the aisle. But with going on this weekend, I forgot. Bleah. So guess what I had on the 5 hour flight from SanFran to Charlotte, North Carolina? Yup. A center seat. I contemplated getting all worked up about it, but for one thing, it was my own silly fault.

For another, I'm trying not to do that anymore. Get worked up and make people miserable because I don't get my way.

Giving up being a princess is SO hard.

So, I get on the plane. My first surprise: the seats are wider than I expected. COOL! I won't be pressing legs with a stranger after all. Well, hopefully not. With the bit of extra seat space I ask God if He would mind terribly letting the people on either side of me be skinny. Hey, one "fluffy" person in a row is plenty. Sure enough, a tiny woman who I figured was in college slid past me into the window seat. And a tall, thin guy took the aisle seat.

DOUBLE cool.

I settle back in my seat, glance at the woman on my right, and smile. She smiles back. A genuine smile, not one of those "oh, please, please, please don't try to talk to me" pained smiles. Of course. the airline has overbooked the flight, and people are frantic trying to get their luggage in the overhead bins, and the airline is offering two round trips per person if you'll please get OFF this plane so we have seats for everyone...

Well, you know what people are like nowdays when they fly. Generally NOT in good moods. And they were in rare form today. So much so that the pilot came down the aisle, scolding everyone, telling them that we were going to miss our "pushback" window and we'd have to sit there for 45 minute until another window opened up so "sit down and FASTEN YOUR BELTS!"

Shades of my dad hollering up the stairs at me and my teenage friends when we wouldn't quiet down during a sleepover.

But hey, it worked. People were suddenly in their seats, and we were on our way. I glanced at the woman in the window seat again, and we moved into conversation. And stayed there. Almost the entire trip. I found out she's a sales rep of sorts for a small vineyard in Sonoma County. That she travels EVERY WEEK. (Oh, my heart. Even in my prime I couldn't have done that.) And that she was a bright, funny, intelligent young woman of 28. (Man! Why couldn't I look that great at 28??) It was great! We talked about all kinds of things, and before I knew it we were descending into Charlotte. The flight I'd been dreading was over. And though we had a bumpy landing, I was relaxed and grateful.

That's how it usually works, huh? When you just relax, when you remember God's in control and getting in a snit doesn't help anyone, your mind and heart are open to the little serendipities, the little blessings, God has for you along the way. And you know what? I feel great tonight. Tired, yes. Ready to crash. (Hey, I normally only get up at 4 a.m. to go fishing!) But in my heart, my spirit, I feel rested.

Even refreshed.

And the best part of it all? No regrets to nudge me in the middle of the night and point out what
a brat I am. So I'm looking forward to a good, restful night's sleep.

Amazing how nice it is to have a clear conscience for a change. I'm gonna have to do this more often.

Blessings to you today.

Karen

Hope LIVES!

It's been a tough couple of weeks. I've been struggling with some deep issues and, quite frankly, they've been kicking my you-know-what. God's sense of irony is so...ironic. I mean, here are the lyrics to a trio I sang in church a week ago or so:

"How long has it been since you woke with the dawn and felt that the day's worth the living..."

Ummm...too long.

The weather lately hasn't helped. Loads of rain. Overcast skies. Gray, gray, gray. Perfect for my mood of late.

Then, this morning, I walked outside while on a phone call to a dear friend whose mother recently died. I was deep in thought, listening to her, thrown back to my own mom's death by my friend's words and pain, when I glanced down--and was met with this sight...



................................................................................and this one...

and this...

Suddenly, it was as though scales fell from my eyes and heart, and delight swept through me. My crocuses are here! Not just here, but blooming!! I looked up, and realized the sky was as clear as a child's smile and blue, blue, blue. And the sun was shining, sending warmth cascading down onto my upturned face.

Spring has come. Oh! Spring has come again! Just when I thought the gray skies wouldn't go away, when I let my heart grow so heavy with all the "stuff" I've been agonizing over, when I was so sure I'd never feel light again, spring snuck in, spread it's arms, and blessed the day with color and fragrance and warmth.

That's just like God. We get all caught up in whatever is dragging us down, tangled in the cords of sorrow or discontent or fear until we're sure we'll drown--and then suddenly realize Someone has reached out and taken hold of us. Not just that, but He's lifting us from the frigid, suffocating depths and setting our feet on the rock-solid ground of His love, peace, and provision.

The struggles aren't over. I know that. But today, for this moment, I'm smiling. Because those little flowers, poking their heads out of what yesterday was cold, dead earth, remind me it's never as bleak as it seems. God is always there, working just beneath the surface, bringing about growth and restoration and rebirth.

May your day be filled with God's surprises...


Karen

Drama Need Not Apply

You know, there was a time when I thought being a Christian meant life would run fairly smooth. Oh, sure, I knew there would be bumps in the road, but our faith would make it a breeze to get over them.

Yeah. Right.


Now I know better. Living a life of faith in Christ as often as not means there's a nice, big bull's-eye on your chest. And the one aiming at it as often as he can is Satan. No, the devil doesn't cause every trial. But I do believe he jumps in when bad times come and does all he can to make them worse, piling drama upon drama to drain and exhaust the spirit and discourage the heart.

Take the last week and a half here. It's been a really, truly bad week and a half.

A week ago Tuesday, just as the gals in my Tuesday night coffee group were arriving at my house, my sweet dad, who lives with us, accidently ran over our 14-year-old Siberian Husky, Bo. When I went to help Bo, he chomped down on my right forearm 6 or 7 times, out of pure panic, I know, but there was blood everywhere. And it was all mine. From what I could see when Bo calmed down, his back was broken. We had to call the vet to come and put him down. Don was at work, but when I called him, just this side of hysterical, he came right home. The irony here: Don and I had decided we needed to talk about having Bo put down because he hadn't been doing well for the last month or so. I'm pretty sure his back legs, which kept going out on him, made him fall and not be able to get up from in front of Dad's car.

Dad was, as you can imagine, devastated. I was in pain, physically and emotionally. And though my dh Don was a great support, it was really hard for him, too. Bo was his "boy." I spent a week on pain meds--Bo didn't fracture the bone, but he bruised it royal--and Dad spent that same week struggling with guilt over what happened with Bo and my being injured. We did a lot of talking and praying and weeping, all of which has helped process what happened. But I'll tell you something, I don't get it. I don't understand why this had to happen. Why Bo had to die this way; why it had to be my tender-hearted dad who ran over him. Believe me, I had a number of wrestling matches with God over it.

There were other things too that heaped on us over the last 10 days. It's been once crisis after another, all of which have been exhausting. Finally, night before last, I crawled into bed, on the verge of tears again, and opened my Bible. To Lamentations.

Talk about perfect timing.

I read page after page of what the Israelites went through, of their grief over seemingly being abandoned by God, of the deep struggles they face:

3:16 He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust.
17 Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is.

(Man! Can I relate!)

18 I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”
19 The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.
20 I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.

(Never, ever. This loss and despair will always haunt me. At least, that's how it felt...). And then I read it. That sweet reminder...

21 Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.

(Not even when it seems they have. That's just my human mind and heart struggling to understand. But the truth is, God is right here. Weeping with us. Hurting with us. Seeking to help us heal...)

23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

(Amen! I read those words and my heart leapt. HE is my inheritance. HE is my hope and peace. Why do I so often forget that?)

25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

(Ah. Wait quietly. Not in anger. Not steeped in frustration and resentment for what you're suffering. Because, when it comes down to it, as terrible as my trials have been lately, they pale in comparison to what He endured for me. And none of them are greater than His ability to help and heal.)

27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline:

(I read that over a couple of times, because at first I thought it was saying the trials are His discipline. But I don't think that's the case. I think the yoke of His discipline is about our response in the trials. Our trust. Our resting in Him...)

28 Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands.
29 Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last.
30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies.
31 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.

Amen and amen. He's here, with us, even in the deepest, darkest moment. In those moments when I held Bo as the vet shaved his leg, when Bo leaned his forehead against my chest as the needle went in, when my dear, beloved companion's breathing slowed...and stopped...

In every moment of pain and sorrow, every loss and frustration, every turbulent drama...God is there. Loving. Guiding. Ever vigilant. Ever faithful.

Ever my hope and peace.

So while Don and I have asked God to block the drama from our lives for awhile, to let us catch a breath before the next crisis, whatever happens, we know we don't face it alone. And we know God will use it to refine us, and to remind us that He is with us--just as He's with each of you.

No matter what.

P.S. God is so gracious for having led us to bring a puppy home in November 2007. Dasha, our now 4 month old Siberian, reminds us so much of Bo both in appearance and personality. It's like having a little of Bo still with us. And that's a true blessing. So I wanted to share our joy as well as our sorrow. Here she is.

Dasha, being cute ...................... Dasha being patient