Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Living on the Edge

Life used to be so simple.

I had a job, Don had a job. Regular paychecks floated into our bank account. If we wanted to buy something, we did. (Though I confess Don wanted to do so far less than I.) We were, in a word, comfortable. And I knew we always would be. I was at the top of my field, Don was as good as it gets at what he does. We were set.

Uh huh.

Then came 2011.

January: I was laid off. BIG hit. Thank heaven for a generous severance package, but still. Laid off. So after 30 years working in publishing houses, building fiction lines, I decided to start my own
editing/writing/speaking/consulting business. And to join the Steve Laube Agency as a literary agent.

Jan-May: Things were going well. Editing work was lined up for the rest of the year. I'd already signed 8 wonderful clients. First proposals from them would be on their way to publishers in next few months. And though we were no longer comfortable, we were cautiously optimistic.

June: The security company Don worked for didn't get a big contract. The result? They laid off 7 people. Don among them. August 1st, he was out of a job. Another BIG hit.
Breathe in.
Out. Okay, no worries. Don had another job lined up already. With benefits! Yay.

End of July: The job Don had lined up? Didn't happen. Snafu on their end, but nothing they can do. Had to fill the job and Don's paperwork wasn't done. So no job, no benefits. That means an extra $850 a month for COBRA (health insurance). Uh huh. Okay. We can do that. Just one question:

HOW are we gonna do that??

Which brings us to today.

Comfortable? A thing of the past. Optimistic? Not as often as I'd like. Terrified? At times.

But here's the cool thing. As soon as I stop obsessing on all the worries and focus instead on the evidence of God's provision, peace arrives . For even as we've taken one hit after another, we've also been showered with one blessing after another. Unexpected encouragement. Serendipitous encounters. It's a kind of dance, and I'm trying to relax and let the Master lead, teach me the steps. His choreography isn't complex. "Follow Me," He says, and when I do, it's amazing how easily I sidestep the pits of fear and anxiety.

Life is no less complex. Or worrisome. But when my hand is in His, when I feel His arms around me, when I let my steps match His as best they can, I know we'll be okay. No matter what. Because it's not about security in things or finances or external circumstances.

It's about Him. And trust. And obedience.

No, life isn't simple any longer. But that's okay. Because I don't have to do this alone.

And neither do you.



No comments: